I must have stared at it for a while. I mean it had a really weird look about it – a sad lost sort of look.
It was a large, mechanical structure and it played with me all evening. It seemed to be as playful
as a child. The thing looked as big as a house with all of its green, slimy tentacles and big, grey
claws. All of his bulbous body work had a red, rusty look. The awe-inspiring mutant was a kind-hearted one with real emotions. All it wanted to do was to be friendly and be very playful.
As you heard, I had already been playing with it, but people weren’t noticing it. As the hours
slouched by, people started to go home and no-one came to claim it. That’s when i had the
feeling, that it was well and truly lost…
Well done Oliver and Archie. I think that it is good because I like the ellipses and I like that you used the spellings that we learned, but I think that you could improve on the description of the lost thing.
star- I liked the 2a sentence
star- I like the fronted adverbial
wish- If they improved the simile as big as a house with all its green