Many months ago, on what appeared to be an extra-ordinary day, suddenly turned into a confusing day…
I went about my usual business collecting bottle-tops. The beach’s warm, silky sand glistened in the sunlight, but was blocked by a rusty, dull concrete wall. That’s when I first saw the thing. That’s when I first saw the newfangled thing. A newfangled,remarkable, bizarre thing indeed!
Star-We like how you have used an alliteration.
Star -I like how you have used loads of 2as
Wish-I wish that you would try to grab the reader’s attention.